Sergeant Down
by Sky Rider
Summary: Sousuke wakes up nearly a month later from a coma resulting from a nearly failed mission. Now, attempting to continue with his life, Sousuke battles fainting spells and extreme fatigue on a daily basis but refuses to tell anyone until its almost too late.
1. Aftermath

**Full Metal Panic - Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 1 - Aftermath**

It had been nearly a month since Sousuke's return from his last mission. Thanks to him, everyone had made it out safely. Everyone, that is, except him. His injuries from the mission had been so severe that they hadn't even risked sending him to Tokyo to be treated. Mithril indeed had a far more advanced medical unit than anything else on Earth back at its base. But there lay the problem. They weren't back at the base. They were on a submarine equipped almost solely for doing battle. Moving Sousuke further in the condition he had been in, however, wasn't an option. So, on the submarine was where he remained.

Sousuke slowly blinked open his eyes, staring at the blank gray ceiling. There were no tiles to count, and no signs of life anywhere near him. Sousuke turned his head to the side. It was the so called "Toy Box" he was on, he was sure of that. Slowly, he rose from the bed into a sitting position, fighting back the pounding that took residence in his skull as soon as he moved. His vision blurred momentarily. Blinking, the room came back into focus and he got to his feet. How long had he been here? He looked down at a clock on a nearby desk. It was sometime in the early morning. The only ones who would be awake were the soldiers on the main deck. Taking a few steps forward, he had to thrust his hand against the wall just before he got to the door. His world suddenly blurred and he was engulfed by a sudden wave of dizziness. When it finally receded a few minutes later, Sousuke opened the door and continued his trek to the bridge. After many long minutes of this process repeating itself time and time again, he stood outside the bridge door. It had just occurred to him that he was still dressed in the loose white pants and shirt that he had been wearing in the medical unit. Deciding that it was too late to do anything about it now, he was just about to open the door when his whole body seemed to freeze. Somewhere in his brain he was being told not to open the door. Why? Then as if uncovering a treasure, it came back to him. Only bridge personnel were allow through that door. He wasn't authorized to go through it.

Feeling annoyed that he had just made a difficult trip for nothing, he was just about to turn around when the door opened. The person coming from the bridge came to an abrupt halt, and seeing Sousuke let out a surprised yelp. There she was, the silver-haired teenage captain of "Toy Box," Ms. Testarossa.

"Mr. Sagara!"

Sousuke stared at her for a moment unable to find any of the words he needed.

"They let you out of your room?" she continued at last, eventually deciding that Sousuke wasn't going to speak first.

"There wasn't anyone there, Captain," answered Sousuke. His brain felt sluggish and foggy.

The silver-haired woman suddenly looked quite angry. Why hadn't anyone been watching Sousuke? No wonder he looked so confused.

"Captain," continued Sousuke before she had a chance to move away from him, "how long have I been out?"

She frowned, not really wanting to answer. Finally, however, she gave a resigned sigh.

"Mr. Sagara...its been almost a month."

His eyes fluttered and his mouth fell open slightly in disbelief. A month? What had happened in that time? How many missions had occurred. What about Kaname? Did she have any news about him?

Tessa seemed to read his thoughts, "Don't worry, Mr. Sagara. After the second week, we notified the school you are attending as well as Ms. Chidori. We told the school that you had been in a car accident. Ms. Chidori, however, got almost the entire truth."

"How soon can I go back?" he asked.

"We wanted to run some tests once you woke up, but we didn't seem to find anything wrong while you were unconscious, so if you feel well enough, its probably safe to return as early as tomorrow. I know you're eager to go back," said Tessa almost regrettably.

"Yes," Sousuke said, unaware of her discomfort.

"Just...when you go back...take it easy for a few days. You don't have to plunge into school right away. They won't expect you to be back the first day you return home. As of now, they believe you are in Kyoto receiving specialist medical treatment," said Tessa.

"Thank you, Captain."

With that their conversation ended. Sousuke was ordered back to bed and the following morning he boarded a helicopter to take him back to his apartment Tokyo. Kurz Webber was his escort. After several hours of listening to the blond man talk about anything and everything in his romantic and personal life, as well as Sousuke's possible romantic life, they landed in front of his apartment.

Sousuke wearily stepped off the helicopter, followed by Kurz who was carrying his teammate's baggage at the request of Captain Testarossa.

"Well, home sweet home!" Kurz called cheerfully behind him.

Sousuke slowly made his way up to his apartment with Kurz at his heals. Taking the elevator, his eyelids sagged heavily. Something wasn't right with him, he was sure of it. Complaining about it, however, didn't seem very manly of him, though. He was a soldier. Besides, hadn't they told him back on the submarine that he would feel a little out of it for a few days? As the elevator stopped, he and Kurz exited. Immediately he was met with the sight of the outside of his apartment. It was all the same except for the person who stood outside it. Sousuke stopped dead in his tracks.

"Kaname," he whispered in surprise.

She instantly turned and looked at him, "SOUSUKE!"

Her beautiful face lit up with a broad smile. As she trotted happily over to him, throwing her arms around him, he found a slight smile come to his face. He gently put his arms around her after a moment. On any normal occasion, Kurz would have taken this time to start teasing him, but if truth be told, they weren't under normal circumstances.

"He's been in a coma for almost a month. Just woke up yesterday, Kaname, so treat him gently," said Kurz with a smile.

Kaname released Sousuke and stepped back still glowingly happy. Sousuke's gaze lingered on her a moment before he walked forward again and unlocked his apartment. Walking inside, he instantly felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him. Leaning against the wall to gain his balance, he pretended to need to catch his breath.

"You alright, man?" Kurz called to Sousuke as he swept by, placing his friend's baggage next to the dining room table.

"Yes. I'm just going to have to go back and train for a bit when I have the chance. I fear I've gotten out of shape," said Sousuke.

"Don't push yourself. Tessa wants you to rest up for a bit, remember?" said Kurz. "In any case, Kaname, would you be so kind as to start dinner?"

More eager to help than usual, Kaname nodded with a smile and began putting together food that she had brought over.

"Now then, Sousuke," said Kurz as Sousuke sat down in a chair at the table and Kurz sat down across from him. "About the mission. Melissa wanted to be the one to tell you, but she had too much work to do. First of all, though, I guess I should tell you that everyone made it out because of you."

Sousuke nodded, the helicopter ride there had taken much more out of him than he could have possibly imagined. What happened to him? Why was it suddenly so hard for him to do anything that he used to do in the past? Even something as trivial as going through a day of high school or sitting on a Mithril chopper for a few hours made him more tired than going through a several day mission with only a few cat naps here and there used to.

"You alright, Sousuke? You look a little out of it?"

Sousuke looked at his friend with an undefined expression, "Kurz, please don't say anything to anyone else, but I just haven't felt right since I woke up yesterday. I'll get checked out the next time I go to base, but until then, I just want to continue life here, pretending that everything is back to normal."

Kurz's eyes narrowed. It was odd for Sousuke to be not only sharing personal information with him, but he seemed to be the only one he was trusting to confide in. Why?

"Sousuke..."

"I'll just need to train hard to get back to where I was, that's all," Sousuke added. It was a lie. He could feel it in his bones...something was out of place. Still, he wasn't about to involve anyone any further in his personal matters than he needed to.

Kurz knew Sousuke was done talking. It was time to continue with Kurz's briefing on how the mission had ended.

"How much do you remember?" Kurz asked wearily.

"I was backed against a rock face and Arbalest was telling me that missiles were approaching from three sides. All I could remember was the lambda driver barely kicking in when they hit. After the second missile, though, the shock wave made me black out. I can't remember what happened to the third one."

"Huh," said Kurz befuddled. "Well, I guess that makes sense. We all managed to get away because you took the missiles, but even from where we were, we saw the first one hit and no problem. Then the second one hit almost right after and it wasn't blown away as quickly. When the third one hit, we started to wonder if Arbalest had taken too much of a beating to deflect it, but it didn't blow up so I guess somehow it did deflect it. Still, it took on heavy damage. When we lugged you back to base and got you out of the cockpit...you were a mess. Tessa said we should've gotten you out of the cockpit as soon as we were within arms length of Arbalest, but I don't think it really would've done much good moving you more than we already had to. And we were still under fire then too, so trying to get you out would've been impossible."

Sousuke nodded. It made sense, but somehow it all felt so unbelievable.

"Done!" said Kaname cheerfully as she suddenly reappeared.

The two men who had fallen into silence looked up at her. From the looks on their faces, she could tell that they had just been talking about something very serious. Kurz quickly plastered a happy grin on his face.

"Good. I can't wait to eat," he said, his eyes positively glittering in delight.

Sousuke nodded, feeling awkward. As Kaname set a plate in front of each of them, his mind wandered. He wouldn't be going back to school for a few days, of that he was entirely sure of.

* * *

__

Okay, so this was my first attempt at a Full Metal Panic fic. I'm kind of going between this and a Witch Hunter Robin fic that I just started a few days ago too. Haven't tried either series before so it might turn out good, might not. Right now I'm feeling a little brain dead, so comment, let me know what you think. Based on that I'll decide whether I'll continue this one further or whether I'll end it with a really quick second chapter. Thanks for reading!


	2. Complications

**Full Metal Panic - Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 2 - Complications**

Over the next several days, Sousuke noticed a kindness in Kaname's behavior that had very rarely been there before. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but even though he wasn't at school for almost another week, she would come by every day after school to check up on him without fail, and she almost never seemed impatient with him. He often found himself wondering if he had changed somehow...or if she had changed.

"Kaname," Sousuke said, peering over a copy of _Tactics_ magazine-to no one's surprise, it was a magazine full of military news and new equipment in the rest of the world.

"What?" Kaname asked looking over at him with an unusual calm expression. She was flipping through channels on his new TV-no doubt an attempt by Kurz and Major Mao to get him to relax.

Sousuke frowned awkwardly, "Have I done something?"

"How do you mean?"

"You seem...overly tolerant of my activities lately," said Sousuke. "More tolerant than normal."

"Do I?" she raised an eyebrow. "By the way, when are you coming back to school? Everyone can't wait to see you."

Sousuke frowned deeper and sunk back behind his copy of _Tactics._ It wasn't like her to change the subject either. If anything, she would be the one still nagging on something that he did from days and weeks ago, "I was thinking of trying it tomorrow."

Suddenly a sharp pain swept through his lungs, down his spine, through his stomach, and settled in his legs. He let out a sharp gasp, closing his eyes tightly. He could hear Kaname's voice call out his name anxiously, but he couldn't find the breath or the words to answer her. The magazine fell from his hands as he fought to stay aware of himself. Images from his last battle flashed through his head...

'_No!' _Sousuke thought. _'Not now...not while Kaname's here!'_

He could hear himself coughing furiously as the pain began to recede. He suddenly felt a pair of arms encircling his upper body. Opening his eyes again, he realized that Kaname was holding him in her arms. They were around his back, and his chest was against hers...his head laying on her shoulder. Brushing a strand of her hair away from his face, he slowly put his arms around her. It felt oddly appropriate.

"I'm alright, Kaname," he said softly.

"Sousuke," she said quietly. Her voice was trembling. "What's going on? What happened to you?"

Sousuke didn't answer. He merely frowned, taking a deep breath. The scent of her hair was wonderful, though he couldn't name what it was.

"Sousuke...?"

He released her, and shortly after, she did the same, "I can't, Kaname..."

"Let me guess...it's classified?" she said hotly.

Again, he didn't answer. He merely watched the calm concern on her face turn to worried frustration. It was justified, he knew that. Still, he couldn't tell her. It didn't matter that he wasn't allowed to, or that he didn't really remember as much from the incident as he would've liked. Kurz had told him enough to clue him in. No. He just couldn't do that to her. He couldn't tell her that if they had left him there to fend for himself, even for a few hours, he would've died from his injuries-even without the enemy closing in on him.

Kaname got up, grabbed her jacket and walked out the door. Sousuke's eyes closed as he heard the door slam behind her. He bit his lip, looking over at the TV bitterly. It was still on, set on a channel where a reality show was taking place. As he watched someone being dared by the host to eat a sheep's brain, in the back of his mind the thought that he had had to eat worse than that before in the name of survival came to him. He turned off the TV. It was true. His job...no...his way of life before he had met Kaname had been strictly: always follow orders, survive, save your team, and whatever happens, don't let the mission fail. That mentality had kept him alive, but when he really stopped to think about it, what kind of life had it been? He had lost so many people he knew over the years. He always chalked it up to "duty." In fact, he had never really been truly afraid to lose anyone until he was assigned to Kaname. He had been burned too many times in the past to get close to anyone anymore, but the truth was, when it came to Kaname, he was closer to her than he had ever been to anyone. When it came to her, "duty" became just another meaningless word, lost in his vast vocabulary.

Slowly, his thoughts faded into a deep dreamless sleep. All too soon, however, he was awake and getting ready for his first day back at the high school he wasn't required to attend. As he attempted to comb his unruly hair, his eyes rested on the scar on his cheek. He had many more scars like that now. There were stitches along his stomach, back, and chest where he had sustained severe injuries. He had the sinking suspicion that he had at one point actually died on the table after the mission, but had been successfully revived after all. He brushed the thought from his mind, picked up his school bag and walked out the door of his apartment. Locking the door behind him, he felt a bout of dizziness engulf him. Clutching the door for support, he waited for it to pass, but it did not. He opened his eyes momentarily, only to see the world lash at them with outrageous colors. Closing them again, his world seemed to slip away. He could feel himself falling, but gave little care. Kaname would be angry if he were late, but what could he do? He'd just have to take whatever punishment she dished out when he got there...

Nearly three hours later he awoke to find himself still in the hallway. It took him a moment to realize what had happened, but after a few minutes it came back to him. He looked around the hallway. Everyone must've been at work to not notice that he had blacked there. He looked at his watch. It was almost lunch time. Kaname would be angry. Looking around the hallway again, he slowly got to his feet and picked up his school bag, starting his walk to school.

The trekking took almost twenty minutes, but when he finally made it, he was greeted by the lunch bell. Normally, this would have signaled him to stick to Kaname like a wet towel while he attempted to guard her from potential threats. Really though, there were times when he honestly felt that she needed someone to guard her from his overprotective nature. He had wished that he could just act normal every once and a while. Now though, he just wanted to be who he was back then.

The minutes seemed to tick by slower than ever when he finally got to Ms. Kagurazaka's empty classroom. Empty, except for her.

"It's been over a month. I wasn't even aware that you had a car. How bad was the accident?" she asked.

"The car wasn't mine. A friend from...a different school and I went on a weekend trip. It was his car. He was driving," said Sousuke, quickly making up a cover story.

"Ah, I see," she said. "Did he survive?"

"Yes, ma'am," Sousuke answered in his usual manner.

"Good," she said, attempting to give him a smile. It was odd to see her smile at him. Usually, Ms. Kagurazaka was screaming or crying when Sousuke was summoned by her. Usually, though, he would accidentally do something that would cause her grief in some big way. He was all too aware of it, but somehow, it never seemed to bother him as much as it did now.

"Well, I'd say, try half days for a while. From what your guardians have told me, I don't think you'll be able to do a full day just yet."

Sousuke nodded absently. Just then the bell rang. Other students would be joining them soon, and Kaname would be among them. He was dreading the baseball bat that would make contact with his skull the moment she saw him.

"Sousuke!" called a familiar voice. Sousuke looked up and caught Shinji's eye.

"You're back!"

"Affirmative," said Sousuke calmly.

"Everyone was so worried. Kaname wasn't the same without you," he said. He seemed almost pleased, but at the same time, sad.

"How so?"

"I can't really explain it. Even Kyoko says that she's been a little distant since you had the accident," said Shinji.

Sousuke frowned and looked over at the door. Ironically, Kaname was just walking in the room at the exact moment. Had she been worried about him after all? He didn't know how to react to that. Sure, his colleagues had shown concern, and had made sure he made it out safely, but to actually really worry about him...and for it to change something about someone. He didn't know what to say to that. When it came to Kaname, though, when did he ever know what to say?

"Maybe you should go talk to her, Sousuke," Shinji suggested.

Sousuke thought that he was probably right, but getting close to her after how she reacted last night might mean a cracked skull. Sousuke gave Shinji an awkward glance before making his way over to Kaname's desk. She didn't look up at him right away, but when he put his hand on her desk, she finally decided that whomever it was didn't want to be ignored. Her eyes met his calm, chocolate brown ones, and instantly, everything seemed okay again.

"Sousuke? Where have you been?"

"Sorry, Kaname. I meant to come this morning. I'm afraid I slept through my alarm clock, though. I think I might actually try to 'take it easy' this week," said Sousuke. Taking it easy...was he even capable of doing that?

Kaname started to laugh, "You big idiot! You wouldn't have lasted a full day anyway. I was going to tell you that yesterday, but everything got so...well...anyway, I'm glad you're back. Who would watch out for me if you were still in bed?"

Sousuke smiled. He knew she didn't mean it. In his current state, he couldn't even look out for himself, not to mention her too. Some soldier he was turning out to be now.

The next two days went by smoothly. Sousuke, Kaname, and his teachers were content with him keeping a half-day schedule for the time being, and as a result, his dizzy spells didn't increase. If anything, they seemed to decrease in number and intensity. On the third day, however, his luck didn't seem to stay. Sousuke was walking next Kaname, Kyoko and Shinji, intending to head home after lunch when a sudden wave of intense dizziness hit him. At first, the others didn't seem to notice, and continued walking even after Sousuke stopped and began to lean against a wall. Kaname looked across to find that Sousuke wasn't there. Stopping dead in her tracks, she looked over at Shinji.

"Where's Sousuke?"

Shinji shrugged, as did Kyoko. Kaname turned around to see the brown-haired soldier of a man clutching the wall. His face was pointed towards the floor, and he looking extremely unstable. Kaname's heart skipped a beat and she took off running towards him.

"Sousuke!!"

She just managed to reach him before he hit the floor. She struggled desperately, trying to find a way to keep him from falling. Sousuke barely heard her. She sounded far away to him, but desperate. He tried with much difficulty to keep his mind on the voice that was speaking to him, even if it sounded distant. Eventually, even his determination for that faded, and he found his world fade into utter darkness. He remembered no more...

* * *

_Okay. So, this is a result of yet another long string of very late nights. Something to wind down after work, I guess. Thanks to everyone who took the time to say something about the last chapter. All of your feedback was pretty positive. As always, please review on this chapter. Hopefully, I'll have the next one up for you soon. Until then, thanks for your support. Talk to everyone more in a bit... ;-)_


	3. Stay

_**Author's Note: Hey, everyone! Sorry it took so long. I got about two-thirds of the way through this chapter and realized that it was absolutely crap! Naturally, I had to start over. What you're about to read is my second attempt at this chapter. I hope it does a better job of telling the story than my first attempt. Enjoy!**_

_Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down_

_Chapter 3 - Stay_

* * *

When Sousuke regained consciousness, his eyes were met with sunlight. Once again he was staring straight up, but this time his view included a hexagonal ceiling of glass. The entire area appeared to be covered by tall, lush trees, but even so, it was not enough to completely extinguish the sun's rays. He frowned continuing to stare. Where was he?

"Ah, you're awake, Sergeant Sagara," said a warm female voice. It didn't seem familiar in the slightest. Turning his head to the side slowly, his gaze fell upon an older woman with short, thick golden hair. Sousuke thought that she looked like a kind woman. Still, in his eyes, she appeared quite ugly. But who was he to judge the beauty of women?

He remained silent, unsure of how to respond. He didn't know her, but she obviously knew him.

Seeing his hesitation, she strode forward and pulled up a chair, "I know you must be confused, Sergeant. My name is Rosalia. I'm a nurse at the central base of Mithril. You're currently just off the shore of the Republic of Suriname."

Sousuke tried to rise into a sitting position, but a sudden pain shot through his spine, "Uhn."

"Don't try to move yet, Sergeant. We had to put you into surgery upon arrival because of the severity of the injuries that were inflicted and that fact that they never healed properly. The dislocation of several tendons and bones caused loss of proper energy and blood flow. We almost thought that the whole incident would inflict major brain damage. It was a good thing that Ms. Chidori brought it to Captain Testarossa's attention when she did or you may have been dead right now."

Sousuke was listening to everything that she was saying, but somehow he wasn't "hearing" much at all. Perhaps it was because his mind was elsewhere, or maybe it was because his memory was starting to come back to him. He remembered Kaname's voice. He remembered seeing her running towards him before he blacked out. He wanted to see her.

"Something the matter, Sergeant?"

"Are any of my comrades here?"

"The submarine remains on base for a long past due inspection. There is a young civilian woman, Ms. Chidori, who came in with you. She refused to leave your side for many hours. We finally got her to go to sleep about three hours ago."

Sousuke frowned, taking in the information. Kaname had come with him. Still, it surprised him that Mithril would even let her on the base. The Captain must have mentioned Kaname's name and the fact that she was on the whispered list when they came.

"If you wish to see her, I can wake her up for you," said the older woman. She didn't look very pleased with the idea, but at least she had offered.

Sousuke slowly moved his head back and forth, "No. It would only cause her more pain and trouble if you woke her now."

"Very well. Speaking of pain, though. How are you feeling?"

Sousuke closed his eyes, "As if I was just hit by a bus."

"That's to be expected for the time being. In time the pain will recede and you will be able to function normally again. For the next two months, however, you will remain on restrictive duty."

Sousuke frowned inwardly, but said nothing. He didn't much like the idea of restrictive duty. In his mind this was nothing more than confirming that for the next two months, he would be completely useless. It was then that the door swung open revealing a turquoise-haired woman. Her features looked strained and unkept, but overall, she looked as if she were alright.

"Kaname..."

She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him. Suddenly a smile broke through the gloom. Her expression was still sad to some degree, but deep down, anyone would've have been able to guess that she was happy. Dazed, she made her way towards him. Sousuke could see the older woman leave the room as Kaname settled herself in the chair next to Sousuke's bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," said Sousuke, looking back up at the ceiling.

Kaname looked down at her hands, sadly.

"Don't even think it, Kaname. My stupidity has nothing to do with you," said Sousuke, looking away from her all together.

"I should have known that something was wrong and yet I didn't do anything about it."

"Don't worry about it."

"How can you say that? You could've died, Sousuke!?"

"You're not responsible for my well-being, Kana—"

"What if I want to be!!"

Sousuke fell silent. Somewhere in his heart he had sensed her frustration. He had known that this was coming. Somewhere under all the military protocol and soldier mentality, he was a man who loved her much more than he could put into words.

When he finally spoke, his words were quiet but well-chosen, "Though I would never mean to, I would only hurt you. I _have_ only ever hurt you, Kaname..."

"Idiot! That isn't for you to decide!"

"No, Kaname. Don't force this..."

"Why? Is it breaking your stone heart!? I hope so! At least maybe I'll finally get past that military ego of yours."

Sousuke closed his eyes as if to shield them from her hurtful words. Kaname fell silent at the sudden realization that she had struck a deep cord.

"Sousuke..." she began quietly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I was just frustrated that's all."

"Not a problem," said Sousuke opening his eyes and looking at her hands.

"Well, I should let you rest some more," said Kaname, jumping up from the chair and walking quickly to the door.

Before Sousuke could stop himself, he heard himself call after her, "Kaname, wait! Stay!"

He fell silent, his voice failing him. She stopped in her tracks. His tone had changed. He wasn't commanding her to do something like he usually did in similar situations. He was asking...no...he was begging.

* * *

_Okay, so that's the end of this chapter. Sorry it was so short. I'm still playing around with some ideas for the next chapter so it may be a little while. Anyway, thanks for everyone's continued support. See you all next chapter!_


	4. The Cage

_**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**_

_**Chapter 4 – The Cage**_

_**Authors Notes: To all readers who have been awaiting this chapter faithfully. Thanks for all your support. There are a few things in this chapter, however, that I would like to note. The first of all being that this chapter is somewhat more raw than most. In the past I spend several hours, days, or even weeks looking over the pages time and time again to correct things, research things, and give the best possible chapter to an on-going story. Due to me moving away from home for college, I will be without any internet access and my own computer for some time, so I figured it would be best to upload what I have tonight and let you all make what you will of it instead of leaving all of you hanging on a horrible cliffhanger. Alongside this, I would also like to note that Melissa Mao is referred to as "Second Lieutenant" instead of "Sergeant Major". Taking a look at her profile during the writing of this chapter, it came to my attention that she was promoted within the series. Since this story takes place after the series, I think it only appropriate to use her proper rank. My apologies if I used her Sergeant Major title in previous chapters. From this point forward I will refer to her by her appropriate title. If anyone reading is aware of any other such things that I have missed, don't hesitate to let me know. ;-)**_

* * *

"Kaname, wait! Stay!"

Those were the words that had managed to burn themselves into Kaname's soul. She had no idea why they had such an impact, just that they made her feel something she couldn't explain. With some difficulty Kaname made her way back to the chair and sat back down.

"I'll stay," she said quietly.

Sousuke didn't say another word after that. He closed his eyes and was silent. It was as Kaname looked on, however, that she really saw him. For the first time she saw how pale and weak he looked. She couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed it before. He looked spent and almost feverish in her eyes. How could she have not noticed before?

Kaname reached up a hand to brush away a lock of hair from his face. Her hand cupped his cheek for a moment before she pulled it away. She gently grasped his nearest hand and placed it on her lap. He had lost consciousness again. Bending over, she slipped her arms around his neck and under his back, pulling herself close to his still frame. In her arms he lay completely quiet.

There was a time that she could remember Sousuke telling her that he was still alive because she had been there for him. She often wondered if this were actually true, or just an attempt at trying to make her feel better. But seeing him the way he was now...if Sousuke ever did need her help, it would be now. The cold truth was that Kaname was almost certain that Sousuke had lost some of his will to live. He never said a word about it, but something about the man had changed. Some kind of fire and passion had left him, leaving behind a man that was weak and sickly. He was nothing like the professional soldier that she once knew. Kaname had often complained about that side of him, saying that he should try harder to act normal. Now that that side of him was missing, though...she found that she missed it dearly.

Over the next few days Sousuke's physical condition improved, but he still said very little. It was only when he was sent back to the submarine that he was cleared for training again. Kaname often spent her time with Tessa when she could in order to pass the time, but Sousuke always seemed to stay as isolated as possible. He followed the training orders and reported when he was told to. Otherwise, however, he either remained locked in his room or was found alone in the shooting cage, speaking to no one.

After almost a week of this, Kurz finally summoned Kaname for a drink. At first she refused, but when he told her that he needed to have a serious conversation with her about Sousuke, she didn't resist further. Late the evening of the invitation, Kaname walked into the mess hall. She could see Kurz looking up at her from a table in the corner of the room. Immediately he waved at her, smiling. Unable to help but smile to herself, she walked over and took a seat across from him.

"Kaname! How's it going? I hear you've been spending a lot of the time with Miss Tessa."

"Fine, and I suppose so."

"Have you heard anything from Sousuke lately?"

Kaname shook her head, looking away uncomfortably.

"Okay, I guess you haven't heard then. Not surprising really since you weren't there at the time, but you need to know. I think you might be the only one who can help him..."

Kaname frowned, "Help him with what? What happened?"

"Its nothing all that terrible, but Melissa is concerned. It was two days ago in training. Sousuke was assigned to take down Melissa and another soldier while he was paired up with me. It was going okay until he came face to face with Melissa's second. I had his back the whole time, but instead of going ahead and shooting his enemy like he has always been trained to do...he froze. He didn't move or shoot...he just stood there staring at the guy. I had thought it was just repercussions of the incident that put him in the hospital in the first place, but when I talked to Sergeant Taper later, he said that Sousuke had closed his eyes as if to accept that he was going to be shot," said Kurz. The blond haired man was frowning in an unusual fashion.

"So he just gave up?"

Kurz shrugged and leaned back in his chair, "Certainly sounds like it doesn't it. I had trouble believing it though. It doesn't sound anything like him. He's always been the type to keep fighting even if he died trying. I didn't believe it so I went to visit him yesterday."

"What did he say?"

"I'm getting to that, babe. But no, he's not doing well. When I went to see him, he had a single lamp on in his quarters. The rest was all dark. He didn't speak at all unless I said something first and even then it was more like a one-word response. I'm kind of worried, Kaname. You need to help him. If anyone can pull him out of this, its you."

Kaname was silent. She frowned, looking past Kurz. What on earth could she possibly say to him to make him change back to who he was before? She was no magician after all.

"I'll do my best. Thank you, Kurz," with that she rose from the table.

Kurz rose and stepped forward, taking her into his arms. Kaname normally would have fought this, but right now it seemed okay. After a moment, Kurz let her go and winked at her.

"I'm counting on you," he said.

Kaname smiled.

"Later, Kurz," she said. With that she turned and walked out of the mess hall.

Kaname went to sleep that night restless. Finally, somewhere in the early hours of the morning, Kaname got up, got dressed and walked to Sousuke's quarters. She held her hand up to the door and knocked. Just as she did, however, it occurred to her that she hadn't a clue what to say to Sousuke once he answered the door. There was no answer. She knocked again after a few seconds. Still nothing...

Frowning, she was about to start banging on the door with her fists when she heard a gruff female voice behind her.

"A bit early to be knocking on doors, Kaname. But if I know Sousuke, he should have been awake quite some time ago. Let me try it, Kaname."

Kaname turned around to see Second Lieutenant Melissa Mao standing there. Kaname stepped away from the door in surprise. Mao stepped forward and pounded fiercely on Sousuke's door.

"Sousuke! You open the door this instant! That's an order!"

After a minute there was still no answer. Mao turned to Kaname, shrugging.

"I suppose he's not in. There is one other place he likes to be when things are troubling him. Come on," said the black-haired woman walking away and waving for Kaname to follow.

The next thing Kaname knew, Mao was handing her a set of earplugs. The room they had walked into was fairly dark, but also larger than most rooms.

Mao put a set of plugs in her own ears, and Kaname shortly after did the same. Taking a few steps further, Kaname could see someone else come into view. Through the earplugs she could hear a slight rhythmic thud every few seconds. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. The person she was seeing brought his arm down next to his side revealing a hand gun. Looking up at the person's face, she could see that he had safety glasses and earplugs in, himself. He didn't need to hear them, however, to sense that he wasn't alone in the room. Immediately the man turned his head to face the two women. Mao had been right. The man was Sousuke. The middle-eastern soldier reached up to tug the ear-plugs out of his ears and take the safety glasses off at the sight of them. In response, the two women tugged the plugs out of their ears as well.

"Second Lieutenant...Kaname, what are you doing here?"

"I was just passing by, and poor Kaname here was desperately attempting to speak to you. Only you weren't in your quarters. I thought it would be best to butt into the matter."

"Yes, Lieutenant," said Sousuke resigned.

"I'll leave the two of you alone then. Treat her gently, Sousuke," said Mao with a wink.

"Yes, ma'am," said Sousuke quietly.

Not more than a moment later, Mao was gone and Kaname and Sousuke were alone. Sousuke reached back and flipped on a set of lights which only made it just a little easier for the two to see each other.

"Melissa said that this is where you go to think. Something has been bothering you, Sousuke. Even Kurz can see it."

Sousuke looked away, unloading his gun, "She told you wrong. I go here to train my mind. And seeing as how I've been out of practice so long, it seems like a good occasion for target practice."

Kaname stepped beside him to look at the target. Every hole was overlapping the bulls eye.

"It doesn't look like you need any practice to me..."

"Why have you come down here, Kaname?"

There was an awkward silence. Kaname looked at Sousuke searching for words, but as she did so, she could see that he was shaking. Frowning, she reached out a hand to touch one of his arms. He flinched under her touch and blinked, looking away.

"I'm worried about you, Sousuke..." said Kaname quietly.

"You don't need to. I'm a professional soldier. I've been trained to handle diverse conditions. I'm fine, Kaname," as he said this, his words seemed to ring true and solid, but his expression held a sad smile.

"No," said Kaname defiantly after a moment. "No, you're not fine! You haven't been fine since you left Tokyo for that mission! I miss you, Sousuke! I miss that stubborn, ignorant, non-adapting, military-loving, clueless, impulsive, hard-headed...side of you! That part of you...never really returned to me from that mission."

Sousuke's frowning gaze fell upon the floor. He had been trying so hard to get back what he lost that he never really realized that in the process he had left a major part of himself behind. Seeing Kaname's face, he knew that it wasn't something that he could simply ignore.

Stepping forward slowly after a moment, he folded his arms around Kaname, still frowning over her shoulder. Kaname closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him completely. After a moment, Sousuke awkwardly brought a hand up and started stroking her hair. To his surprise, the action came more natural to him than he had expected it to.

Sousuke's next words were so quiet that they seemed barely audible.

"I missed you, Kaname... On every mission...it always felt like you were there next to me. I had to survive, if only to see you look at me when I return. If only to hear you great me. I have been here because you have been here for me...that has never changed and it never will. When that mission failed, it felt like something inside of me had gone wrong somehow. In the past I have always been able to make things right again, but this time...it just kept plummeting! I feel like...I've lost myself, Kaname."

"Sousuke... But you aren't losing anything anymore. You're alive and well. All you have to do is train a little bit..."

Sousuke started shaking. His hands became heavy as they pressed against Kaname's back.

"Sousuke?"

"I'm a coward..."

Kaname opened her eyes wide in shock. Pushing herself out of his grip she looked up at his face, concerned. He did not fight her, he simply let her go and stood there in silence with his head hung and his bangs covering his eyes. Kaname brushed them away, resting a hand on his cheek. She felt something wet under her fingers, but when she went to brush his bangs away further Sousuke reached up a hand to grasp hers.

"Please, Kaname. Don't look..."

Kaname's eyes fell to Sousuke's chest which heaved unnaturally. Grabbing at his bangs, Sousuke stood in silence as Kaname watched helplessly. Running a hand up Sousuke's chest until it rested where his heart was, Kaname remained silent. In her surprise, Sousuke did something that she had never thought he would. He gently took her hand in his and moved it from his chest, slowly up to his mouth. Tenderly, he kissed her fingers and her knuckles. Kaname's eyes were now glued on Sousuke. She couldn't look away even if she wanted to. And as Sousuke gently turned her hand over to reveal her pale wrist, he kissed it too.

"Sousuke..." Kaname whispered.

Sousuke gently lowered his hand, releasing Kaname's hand from his gentle grip. He could not ever remember any woman in any country making him feel the way the Kaname did. All she had to do was say his name and his knees went weak.

"I understand."

"It's okay to be weak every now and then, Sousuke. That's what I've been trying to tell you."

Sousuke stared at her unable to find any of the words he needed. It was then, however, that a rather noisy visitor entered.

"Louring a lady into a room to be alone with her, Sousuke? And Melissa says that I'm bad..."

Sousuke looked around, startled. The blond-haired man laughed at Sousuke's face, but said nothing more.

"We were just talking."

"Isn't everyone? But we all know what talking leads to... More talking. Then, after that, there's hugging...and then even kissing. You know, Sousuke?"

"Very funny, Kurz," said Sousuke irritably. He wasn't about to tell the blond-haired man that he had gone as far as kissing her hand and almost continuing to kiss her arm. The thought chased itself around inside Sousuke's head. He desperately wanted to talk to Kurz about it. If anyone knew anything about that kind of stuff, Kurz did. At the same time, though, he wasn't eager for his secret to get out, especially to someone whom was known to blabber just about every interesting bit of information to every person he could possibly tell.

'No,' Sousuke decided, 'I'll venture on my own this time.'

It wasn't long before the room was quiet again. Kurz was setting up for target practice. Sousuke, followed closely by Kaname, had taken this opportunity to escape the room to avoid further questioning.

* * *

_Alright, I hope you enjoyed it. I think this chapter ended up having a little more substance than some of the previous chapters. Anyway, go ahead and tell me what you think. I'll get around to reading your reviews as soon as I have the net again. I love hearing from you. And on that note I'll see you all next chapter. :-) Bye everyone!_


	5. Lit

**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 5 - Lit**

Neither was really sure how it happened, but no more than an hour after leaving the shooting cage, Sousuke had his arms around Kaname, and the two were propped up just inside the door of his quarters, his lips on hers. Barely lit, the room held a romantic glow, perpetuating a moment that was growing more and more out of control.

Kaname's hands travelled up Sousuke's back and chest. A moment later, Sousuke found himself with fingers laced in Kaname's long, beautiful hair.

As if in the distance, a sound like a gunshot went off. Sousuke immediately pulled away, still looking at Kaname. His soldier senses kicked in. He looked towards his door and realized that he could barely hear a steady thud of bullets. Occurring to him that he wasn't that far from the shooting cage, he relaxed slightly.

"What? What's wrong?" Kaname asked, letting her hands fall to his hips.

"Nothing," he said, turning his attention back to her. It wasn't within his nature to let such things as gunshots go unchecked, but something about the current situation made him not want to care about it.

Kaname's hands found Sousuke's dog tags. In the dim light she could hardly read them. She just managed to make out his full name, his birth date, and his blood type, which was A. Looking up, she met Sousuke's gaze. His eyes were serious and passionate in way that she wasn't used to seeing.

"Why do they put all this information on your tags?"

His gaze dropped to rest on her hands, "In case I get so injured that I can't give the information to a doctor myself…or if I were to die...it would identify me."

Kaname's gaze fell to his chest. Almost instantly, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shirt. For her the idea of him dying had been all to near.

Sousuke's arms slowly came up to fold around her, "You don't need to worry, Kaname."

"How can you say that?! If I don't worry about you then who will?"

"No one. And no one should. As long as you are here with me, that's all I need."

"You say that, but what about what I need? You're gone all the time, Sousuke! I worry about you! I miss you constantly! I need you!"

Sousuke stared at her silently as her fist pounded against his chest. He was praying that she wouldn't cry. He couldn't bear to see her that way. Any sign of weakness in her had always melted his heart so completely that there was no use hiding it.

After a moment, when her anger seemed to have subsided, Sousuke hesitantly pulled her closer.

"I am a soldier, Kaname. But I am no amateur. Even injured, I have come back to you because you were always here waiting for me. Never forget that."

A knock suddenly came on the door. His gaze left Kaname to rest of the metal material that was his door. His arms released her and he pulled away to answer the distraction, managing to almost get to the door before he felt something grab his wrist and restrain him. Startled by the sudden hold on him, he looked around. His eyes fell on Kaname once again. He frowned, not understanding.

"Kaname…"

"Can't it wait?"

Sousuke's eyes softened. Shaking his head, he gently pried Kaname's hand off of his wrist.

"My work is my life."

Turning away once more, he walked the remaining length to the door and turned the handle, swinging it towards him. His eyes immediately met the sight of Commander Audrey Kalinin. Sousuke's eyebrows rose in surprise. Frozen in place, his jaw went slack. Staring at his obvious superior, for a moment he almost forgot his manners. Then in an instant he was brought crashing back to Earth.

"Sir!" Sousuke said, straightening up.

"At ease, Sergeant," said Kalinin in his calm voice. His eyes held an air of softness in the dim light. Spotting Kaname, his eyes widened, and he couldn't help but smile. "If this is a bad time, Sergeant, I can return later."

Sousuke nervously looked over at Kaname, then back at his commanding officer, "No sir! No. Your timing is fine, sir."

"Indeed. In that case, would you mind if I pulled you out in the hall for a moment. I just need a quick word," said Kalinin.

"No, Commander. I don't mind at all."

With that Sousuke stepped outside the door without another backwards glance. Kalinin smiled at Kaname kindly before closing the door behind himself and Sousuke.

"Now then," said Kalinin turning to Sousuke. "We've gotten word that an unknown organization has infiltrated some of Mithril's most classified data. Among the files accessed were Kaname Chidori's file as a whispered. She's not alone. Several other whispered have had their files accessed as well. Precautions for the others have already gone into affect. Since Kaname has such a history with our particular division, as well as being heavily IDed as a whispered, her situation is a bit different."

Kalinin shifted his weight uncomfortably, "The order has come down that Miss Chidori is to go into hiding by using a new identity. Kurz Webber will be going undercover with her as her husband. She gets along with him, but he also isn't as well known to the enemy as you are."

Sousuke's heart skipped a beat, "Y-Yes, sir."

"It's only for a little while, Sergeant," said Kalinin, seeing Sousuke's lethargic reaction.

Sousuke nodded.

"In any case, there's another reason why you can't be her escort for this mission. HQ is putting you on temporary reassignment. We had planned for you to not be in action for at least a bit longer, but command has other ideas. They have the results from your training sessions and they want you assigned to a long-term reconnaissance team. Intelligence has been trying to get their hands on an officer in the Tactical division for years. They wanted the opinion of a Tactical officer when they collect data, just to see if there is any difference. To them, who better than someone who has been deemed unable to fight for a while? There's no debating it, I'm afraid."

Sousuke's bangs fell over his eyes. What the hell? He was being separated from Kaname because someone was bored?

"Understood, sir…but when does this all come into affect?"

"Tomorrow," said Kalinin. The light seemed to leave Sousuke's eyes.

"Don't worry, Sergeant. It will be over in no time at all. You'll see," said Kalinin, giving Sousuke a gentle smile.

With that the superior officer gave a nod and turned to walk towards the bridge. Sousuke waited until Kalinin disappeared. Then as if his mind was circuited for a delayed reaction, Sousuke turned around and smashed his fist into the wall next to him. Glaring at his fist, everything that had just been said to him went through his mind again. Anger coursed through him, but he restrained himself. His palm opened, flattening against the wall. As he did so, his gaze dropped to the floor. How could this happen? How could Kurz be the one to be assigned as her protector? How could he be the one to act as her HUSBAND!? Sousuke punched the wall in front of him again. A moment later, he leaned his head against his fist, closing his eyes.

"What more do you want from me!?" he yelled angrily with no one to receive his words.

It took several more minutes before Sousuke was able to make himself walk back in his quarters to face Kaname. Just when did they actually plan on telling her about this?

"Where have you been, Sousuke?"

Sousuke looked up at her, not entirely certain how to answer.

"You've been gone for almost half an hour," Kaname continued.

"Kaname…there's something—something you need to know,"

said Sousuke.

Kaname watched him quietly. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say, but when Sousuke did not continue, she spoke up to fill the silence.

"Yes?"

"I'm being reassigned for a little while…" said Sousuke, his voice trailing off at the end.

"For how long?" Kaname asked, frowning.

"For a month," said Sousuke quietly.

"A month? When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," said Sousuke. His words stung.

"Tomorrow? But how could they? You are still supposed to be on medical leave for a while, right?"

"They're transferring me to intelligence. I won't have to do battle. That's the only reason they can get away with it," said Sousuke.

"But why?"

"Please, Kaname…you know I can't tell you that."

"But I don't understand! Why you? Why now?"

"There's more to it than that, Kaname!" Sousuke's voice rose, revealing his frustration and impatience. There was also a tinge of emotion there that Kaname was not used to hearing.

"More to it? Like what?"

"They're assigning Kurz to protect you for a while…at least as long as I'm gone. You will be going into hiding with him, and he will be playing the part as y—your husband."

Kaname stared at Sousuke. His expression was resentful and moody. And what about her? Did she really like the idea of Kurz acting as her husband? After all, hadn't he attempted to grope her once?

Kaname gently reached out to stroke his arm. Sousuke flinched unexpectedly under her touch. She could feel Sousuke's body shaking, but couldn't tell whether it was from sadness or anger. Why all of a sudden was something like this affecting him so horribly? She didn't remember a side of Sousuke that fell apart over something that seemed so small in comparison to his military duties. Was she responsible for this?

"What if I refuse?" asked Kaname defiantly.

Sousuke's eyes pierced her through and through. Was she serious?

"Kaname. This is the only way they can protect you. You must."

"What if I just stayed here until you came back?"

"You're not a soldier! Kaname, please…not even I can trust every person on this vessel. Kurz would take care of you, I know that much at least," said Sousuke.

"Then you want me to go?"

"No, but what I want would only end up getting you hurt. I can't allow that," said Sousuke.

Kaname fell silent. In normal life issues, Sousuke needed as much guidance as possible. But when he was a soldier…when he was in his true element, he was almost never wrong. He made it a point to always be right. One wrong decision, one faulty attack plan, one weak member…and everything would go up in smoke. Dysfunctional though he was in the normal world, Sousuke was a deep, complex, strong, and wonderful man when he was a soldier. Kaname had a hard time explaining it. It was as if Sousuke was truly a man in her eyes when he was protecting her for real.

Kaname nodded, "Okay. If you want me to go, then I'll go. Just come back the same way you left, okay? Don't blow anything up or get yourself shot."

Sousuke frowned curiously at her, letting out a small puff of air through his nose. Stepping forward he gently put his hand behind her head and kissed her forehead. Closing his eyes, he began to gently stroke her hair.

"I miss you already…"

--

_**Hey everyone! So sorry for the horribly long wait. I hope all of you will forgive me after you've read this chapter. I had to get some new music selections to help me finish this chapter among other things. Anyway, as always, let me know what you think. I'll be writing the next chapter as soon as my courses give me another chance to breathe. Happy Halloween! And see you all next chapter!**_


	6. Separate Paths

**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 6 – Separate Paths**

Sousuke turned his head to look out the window and watched as dark blue water rolled by bellow him. Some part of him missed Kaname more than he could describe, but now that he was on this transport plane, he felt like he was finding part of himself again. There he was, dressed in full uniform, feeling much calmer than he had felt in weeks. He couldn't totally describe it, but the things that had gone on while he was away from active duty seemed so small and insignificant now that he was going back. Looking at the younger woman sitting across from him, he had to admit that he already felt much better about the upcoming mission. She was from the tactical division too, but was used to piloting helicopters instead of AS unites. While Sousuke had been away, another mission had taken place. It had been a success; accept for the bullet that had hit her while her crew was attempting to take off. In the process she had saved a civilian whom they had rescued. Still, she had been quite shell shocked at the time, not being one to usually deal with hand-held weapons.

"Are you Sergeant Sagara?" she asked at last, looking at him curiously.

Sousuke turned his head to look at the woman again, "Yes, ma'am."

She blushed, "There's no need to call me so formally, sir. I'm only a corporal."

"I'll keep that in mind, Corporal," said Sousuke, looking out the window again.

He felt unusually restless, as if he had been cooped up somewhere far too long. But his mind wandered dangerously into territory that it probably should not have lingered.

Kurz. He and Kaname would be leaving soon too. It was only a matter of time before the two would be on their way. Sousuke had no doubt in his mind that Kurz would take advantage of the situation and try to come on to her. It was just within his nature. Whether Kaname would accept it or not was an entirely different matter. Would she use that strong batting arm if he got too close, knowing that she had gotten a lot of practice on Sousuke already? Or would she just go along with it and act out the role? In an instant Sousuke's calm demeanor vanished. He should've been there! He should've been the one to protect her…to love her, and yet here he was going god knows how many hundred miles in the opposite direction. What was it about him that made him such a liability? Sousuke couldn't see it. His commanding officers had always praised his thoroughness with duties in the past. Why was it any different now?

Sousuke's hand tightened into a fist as it lay on his thigh. He had to ask himself from time to time why Kaname had become so important to him. After all, he dealt with people on a regular basis. It wasn't as if he totally understood anyone around him, but he never really wanted or needed to before. But with Kaname, something made him want to try and pay attention to her, even if she was absolutely unpredictable. Between beatings and scoldings, there was something about her that made him feel as if he was actually needed by someone. They shared a lack of clarity for each other, yet it was enough to just know who they were outside of their so-called "normal lives." Somehow their lack of understanding for each other's lives was part of what strengthened their relationship. It wasn't explainable. Kaname 's inability to comprehend how dangerous Sousuke's missions were and the work that he did, and Sousuke's total obliviousness to most behavior that could be considered normal, somehow kept them both interested in each other. Even so, Sousuke was getting closer to understanding. Somehow, Kaname's feelings had finally penetrated his oblivious, thick exterior and had traveled straight to his brain where it suddenly occurred to him that he really loved her too…a lot. So what to do now? He had all these newly found emotions and nowhere to put them.

Sousuke looked up at the gray ceiling for a moment, then down at his watch. It wouldn't be long now until he was within view of Intelligence HQ. Slowly, he stood up and brushed off the light tan dress-uniform Tessa had issued him to wear. It felt odd to be wearing something other than his usual Tactical Division, combat uniform. Still, having not used either uniform for more than a few weeks lately, he could hardly complain.

"So, are you excited?" said the woman sitting across from him, her eyes glittering with enthusiasm.

Sousuke glanced at her and turned back to the window, "There is nothing exciting about sitting on the side-line."

"Oh," she said, put out. "I just thought it might be a nice opportunity to see what the other divisions are like."

"Not much to them…lots of paper work and red tape," said Sousuke absently. He didn't feel like discussing something so pointless with someone he didn't even really know. Sure they needed the intelligence part of Mithril or the Tuatha De Danaan wouldn't ever get any missions. Likewise, the world would've fallen into chaos a long time ago without them. Still, that didn't make Sousuke think any differently of them. Intelligence was a group of desk-warmers in his eyes. That was all they were and all they would ever be. The whole fact that he would have to spend so much time with them felt like a total waste. He was a specially trained soldier, ready for battle at any moment. Being some place where he was completely safe and chained behind a desk…that felt strangely wrong to him.

As the base came into sight a few minutes later, his heart sank. It was exactly the way he had always imagined it—building after building with a single docking area for transport vehicles only. There would be no piloting Arm Slaves here. As images of Kaname forced their way briefly back into Sousuke's mind, he felt a sudden explosion of anger drop like a bomb behind his seemingly calm exterior. If looks could kill, the over-talkative corporal would have dropped dead when she asked Sousuke a minute later if she could depend on him to act as her tactical division buddy for the remainder of their time in the Intelligence Division. Sousuke really didn't mean it. He really didn't hate the woman, but at that moment, he was angry and she was talking far too much for her own good.

Sousuke's eyes narrowed as he stared her down. Immediately, he got to his feet, feeling the plane set down unsteadily underneath him. Without skipping a beat, he grabbed his single duffle bag and yanked the door of the plane open. A set of metal stairs fell onto the ground below. Looking down, he took the steps two at a time and walked onto the newly planted carpets of green grass. Unaware that the corporal had gotten out of the plane just a moment after he had, Sousuke set his eyes on three people who had come to greet them. There were two men and one woman all standing shoulder to shoulder in beautifully pressed and dry-cleaned khaki uniforms. Remembering that he and the corporal that was now standing just slightly behind and to the side of him were both wearing something similar, he felt a twinge of irritation. It was more than clear that none of the Intelligence Division ever saw battle.

"Sergeant Sousuke Sagara and Corporal Randy Shaw, welcome to the base of Intelligence HQ," said the woman in the middle of the group.

Raising his hand in salute, Sousuke stiffly said, "Thank you, ma'am!"

The three people across from him also saluted. Then as everyone brought their hands down once again, the woman in the group of three stepped forward.

"My name is Lieutenant Danita Cole." Turning first to the younger black-haired man on her right and then to the older brown-haired man on her left, she introduced them as well: "This is Sergeant-Major Dennis Bracksworth and Second-Lieutenant Trey Bubbles."

Sousuke was trying hard to suppress the sudden fits of giggles that were threatening to overtake him. From the strangled sounds coming from behind him, he guessed that Corporal Shaw was also fighting the urge to laugh.

"While you are assigned here, you will be under my command and will report to one of the three of us," Cole continued.

"Yes, ma'am," said Sousuke. He heard a small voice from behind him echo his words.

"Now, you both must be tired. This way to your new quarters," said Cole, turning on her heel and walking towards the nearest gray building.

Sousuke inwardly sighed. 'Of course, in intelligence, comfort always comes first,' he thought bitterly. No matter. He actually preferred it this way. Having some silence for a while would give him some time to think and pout in peace.

Nearly two-hundred miles away Kaname was boarding a helicopter with an unusually subdued Kurz Webber. Kaname couldn't help but feel that something was very, very wrong when Kurz saw her and merely gave her a sad smile.

"Hey Kaname," he said.

Kaname stared at him, stunned. Kurz Webber was supposed to be playing as her husband and he wasn't even attempting to take advantage of the situation by doing so much as trying to look up her skirt or down her shirt. No doubt, Melissa would give him a thorough beating if he tried anything, but that had never stopped him before. She had always known that her best defense against Kurz was Sousuke, and now that he was gone, she didn't understand what could be stopping him from being a total pervert.

"I won't grope you if that's what you're thinking," said Kurz after a moment.

Kaname stared at him, unable to answer.

"I'm fully aware that you have Sousuke's heart in your hands. As much as I love women, I'm much happier that Sousuke has finally found someone that he really cares for. Honestly I didn't think it would happen for the guy, so I'm glad. You and I will play the role in public. I'll hug you, even kiss you to sell this thing, but I won't come onto you when we're alone. That's all I wanted to say," said Kurz with a sad smile.

Kaname smiled back sympathetically, "Thank you, Kurz."

Kurz nodded absently and looked sideways to the window. Deep down, he knew that he was doing the right thing, though it still didn't make him feel all that happy somehow. It was going to be one very long month of attempting to not flirt with Kaname.

----------------------------------------------------------

_Yay! Happy 2009 everyone! Sorry for the long wait. Had a classic case of writer's block and chapters to write for two stories. x_x' Anyway, I know this was short. I'll try to do better next time. Tell me what you think. I love to hear from all of you. Until next chapter, take care everyone!_


	7. Bombed

**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 7 - Bombed**

Impatient fingers fumbled with the buttons on a khaki, pressed collar. Letting the material fall away to reveal the bottom of a slender but strong neck, the fingers reached towards a small black device. Flipping it open, it revealed a glowing screen that held the emotionless words:_ 1 New Voicemail._

His heart skipped a beat as shaking fingers pressed down on a button in the center of the phone, putting it to an ear covered with short brown hair.

"_Hey Sousuke, it's Kaname. I just wanted to see if you were there. I guess I missed you again. I want to hear your voice. Call me when you get this!"_

Sousuke's finger's shakily typed out the number on his phone, pressed call and put the phone to his ear again. He wasn't the type to call people back. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to them, he just never cared enough to go to the trouble of calling anyone. After all, if they needed him bad enough, they would call back.

Sousuke could hear the buzz of the connecting signal. He felt like he was losing his mind. It had been almost two weeks since he was stationed away from Kaname. It would be the first time that he would speak to her since he left. Now every rule that he made for himself about anything seemed to be thrown into question. There was a click on the other line followed by a voice.

"Hello?"

Sousuke's stomach clenched nervously, almost fearful.

"Kurz?"

"Hey, Sousuke. How are you doing?"

Sousuke's fear subsided, only to be replaced by knots and nauseous waves.

"Duty here is less than satisfactory. Is Kaname there?"

There was a pause that made Sousuke slightly uneasy.

"You're in luck. She just came out of the shower. Here she is…"

There was a shuffle in the background before a familiar female voice came over the phone.

"Sousuke?"

"Kaname?"

There was a sudden explosion of sobs on Kaname's end that he wasn't ready for. His palm flattened against the wall in his room as he leaned heavily on his hand, the other hand gripping his phone hard. Pain seared through his heart. He closed his eyes and hung his head. He wanted to hold her.

"Why aren't you here? Why can't you be here?" Kaname's voice demanded between sobs.

Sousuke was silent. His lips trembled.

"I'm so sorry, Kaname," was all he could manage after a moment.

There was another long moment of silence as Sousuke listened to Kaname cry without saying a word. After a few minutes Kaname seemed to calm and she started to breathe fairly normally again.

"Why didn't you ever call?" Kaname asked, almost angry.

"I wanted to. But I—I'm sorry, Kaname. I'm so sorry," Sousuke's throat closed around the last word and he swallowed hard, seizing a clump of hair in frustration as he felt a wave of shame build. He made her cry again.

"I miss you so much. I was so worried. I thought that maybe your plane crashed before you got there…"

"If it had crashed, I would have simply jumped off and awaited rescue. You forget who you're dealing with here," said Sousuke almost braggingly.

"Oh shut up, you GI-freak," said Kaname laughing just a little.

"So…how is 'married' life?"

"A real joke. The next time I have to wear a ring on my finger, it better be from you," said Kaname stubbornly.

Sousuke's breath seemed stop for a moment. Then his lips slowly curled into a wry smile, "What features should it have?"

"No more flashy things that explode into bright lights," Kaname commanded.

"Oh alright. What _should_ it do then?"

"Just…something classy if you're going to do something to it," said Kaname.

"And a flash bomb isn't classy?"

"Only if you want me to leave you alone and temporarily blind," said Kaname freshly.

"Mm," Sousuke mused with a frown as his mouth went dry. "Point taken."

"And what about you?"

Sousuke's eyebrows shot up and he looked at the wall, "What _about _me?"

"Do you want anything from Osaka?"

"Nope. Not unless you can find the Urutora brand of tear gas. I've been looking everywhere for it, but I have a suspicion that I might only be able to find it in a remote part of Russia."

"Hmm…nope I don't see that happening. Anything else?"

"No. In that case, nothing at all," said Sousuke innocently.

Kaname giggled on the other end. Sousuke's heart gave a strange throb that wiped the smile from his face and brought it back even stronger than before. Sousuke put his back to the wall and let himself slide down until he hit the floor.

"So, have you been doing anything interesting over the last two weeks?"

"Just paper work, virtual scenarios, and long meetings. I find it to be a complete waste of my time. Most everything I say, they seem to already know."

"What kind of scenarios?"

"That's all I can tell you, Kaname. I'm sorry."

"So it's dangerous?"

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Well, I probably wouldn't die if someone slipped up later, " said Sousuke quietly.

"Probably?"

"Don't worry Kaname. That's how most of my job is. Most of the time it goes off without a hitch."

"Yeah…most of the time," Kaname agreed, recalling the recent incident that landed Sousuke in a coma.

"When will you be done being under cover with Kurz?"

"I…don't know. We haven't received any communications from Mithril lately. We've had no word either way for about a week now."

There was an awkward pause before Sousuke answered, "Okay."

"Sousuke...if you get back before I do. Will you come and visit me in Osaka?"

"Try and stop me," Sousuke said quietly.

There was a shuffle and mumbling in the background of Kaname's line. Sousuke could make out her voice speaking at a distance from the receiver. He waited patiently.

"Sousuke?" Kaname's voice ventured uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"I have to go. Kurz is taking me to dinner."

"Oh," Sousuke managed to say. He could feel his throat close slightly, "Yeah."

"Bye, Sousuke!"

"Bye…"

Almost as soon as he managed to answer her, he was greeted by a new sound. The dull sound of a dial tone buzzed in his ear. Stiffly, he took the phone away from his ear and held it out in front of him. The phone's screen illuminated the buttons in the dim light of his room. Perhaps more forcefully than was needed, he tossed the phone across the room, onto the only sofa. Defiantly, the phone bounced away from the cushion and landed on the floor with three dull thuds. Sousuke didn't bother getting up to retrieve it. His muscles ached from long hours of sitting in one chair without moving. He hadn't been entirely truthful with Kaname. The stuff he had worked out with intelligence was dangerous enough to get not only everyone in a single unit of Mithril killed if it were to be leaked, but the repercussions would turn up many civilian casualties as well. On some level, he felt bad about not being honest, but he had already told her more than he ever should have. And to worry her unnecessarily was not something he wished for. At the same time, even after the wonderful conversation he had with her, after approximately two weeks of not speaking to each other at all, it had left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He felt more depressed now than he had before he called her. He circled his arms around his knees, leaning his head back against the wall. His eyes closed voluntarily and he took a breath.

"_Sousuke? You awake? It's you're turn, silly!"_

"_He won't talk about it. Poor guy. Can't imagine…he was the only one out of the whole squad who made it."_

"_I'm tired of always having to be rescued. What if I joined, Mithril, Sousuke?"_

"_This is going to be one foxy lady in a few years."_

"_If I don't go, you'll shoot me?"_

"_You're back! I got this for you…"_

"_So what if you made a mistake? No one died, right?"_

"_Sousuke, you're hurt!"_

"_Promise me, Sousuke. Promise you'll come back."_

"_It's all because of Sergeant disaster here…"_

"_If Sousuke fails to initiate Arbalest, retreat, as the mission has failed. Anyone left behind will die."_

"_Kaname Chidori…"_

"_She's out on patrol, ma'am."_

Sousuke's eyes blinked open to complete darkness. The only thing he could see were the lights on the docking pad outside. His lungs felt heavy, and the air was thick. His dreams had always troubled him for as long as he could remember. He had gotten used to dealing with the demons that usually haunted his dreams. Past team members, enemies, and sometime even the friends he was afraid of losing seemed to show up regularly. The worst was when he was taken back to the time when he was fighting as a boy and lost everyone close to him. As he grew up, loss felt easier to deal with to some degree, but the pain of losing people he knew as a child never totally went away. Still, in the past, his dreams seemed to be merciful enough to at least leave Kaname out of them for the most part. The closer he got to Kaname, the more his dreams seemed to torture him. It started out with the innocent act of Kaname leaving him in his dreams. Slowly, as days went on and he thought more about her, it escalated to people kidnapping her, raping her, and finally, more recently, he started having dreams that ended in her death. It was these dreams that kept him up at night. He never admitted it to anyone, but after he left the De Dannan to go to Intelligence HQ, he hadn't slept more than three hours in any one night. Most would chalk his ability to run on this amount of sleep and still function up to his stubborn nature, but in truth, it was only because he was already so used to never truly being totally asleep to begin with.

Any soldier who had ever been trained in proper combat was trained to sleep with a weapon. The best of the best slept with one eye open. And Sousuke, he could hear a key in the lock of a door fifty feet away, even in what he thought of as a dead sleep.

Suddenly, there were several loud explosions coming from all around. Sousuke's eyes shot toward the window just in time to see two planes and a building go up in flames. He got to his feet, unable to shake the deep frown that had settled on his face. He could hear shouting coming from the hallway behind him. This was Intelligence HQ. Since when did Intelligence get attacked? Sousuke walked over to his duffle bag and pulled out a small, black handgun. Not bothering to change clothes, he opened the door to his room. Immediately the panic in the atmosphere hit him. Sousuke was used to the calm, collected response of the Tactical division. The Intelligence division had spiraled into chaos almost instantly. It was all too clear that no soldier here had ever had to do proper battle before. Sousuke turned and walked towards the main meeting room. The first thing to do would be to discuss the situation and then propose an action based on that knowledge. Any plan had to be carried out quickly and with precision.

* * *

Over a hundred miles away, the Tuatha De Dannan's crew was enjoying a quiet evening for once.

"Madam Captain!"

The silver haired Captain turned in her seat to look at the person whom had called her. Just as her eyes met the sight of the ever-wise Commander Kalinin, several papers were thrust into her hand. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise as she looked down at them. She said nothing for a moment, then without warning, shock spread over her face.

"But this can't be," she said, looking up at the older man. "Are you sure, Mr. Kalinin?"

"It was just reported a moment ago, Captain. Several buildings in Intelligence HQ are in flames. There are also two planes that have been bombed. There is no word whether their fuel tanks were full when they caught fire."

"What about Sergeant Sagara and Corporal Shaw?"

"No word as of yet, ma'am."

"How could this happen?" She asked, not really expecting an answer as she sifted through the stack of papers in her hands. "Commander Mardukas."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Put all flight crews on standby. Set course to Intelligence HQ."

Mardukas hesitated, "Yes, Madam Captain."

Tessa stared at the submarine screen as Commander Mardukas disappeared to fulfill her request. Restlessly, she thought about the situation. Then a thought occurred to her. There was someone who needed to hear the news as well…someone who wasn't there to hear it.

"Commander Kalinin," she said in a lower voice so that only he would be able to hear her over the frantic bustle of bridge personnel.

"Yes, Captain?" Kalinin answered in a similar tone.

"Please inform Miss Chidori of what has occurred. She should know the situation that Mr. Sagara is in."

"Shouldn't we wait until we receive word of his condition before we relay the information to her, ma'am?"

"No. If I know anything about Kaname, it is that she would want to know right away if something happened to Mr. Sagara."

Kalinin calmly responded, "As you wish, Captain."

Kalinin silently disappeared from the bridge and made his way back to his quarters. He knew all to well that relaying this kind of information to a civilian at a time like this would be deeply frowned upon in HQ, but Kalinin happened to agree with Tessa wholeheartedly. He felt bad enough tearing Sousuke away from Kaname, but now that it was uncertain as to whether he was alive, injured, or dead, he felt the need to make amends. He opened a desk drawer and took out a silver phone. Pressing Kurz's phone number into his phone, he pressed the talk button and put the receiver to his ear.

* * *

A happy jingle interrupted several long minutes of laughter. Kurz dug into his pocket, hopelessly attempting to stifle his laughter.

"Hello?" he said after flipping the blue cover open, still fighting laughter. In less than five seconds, his laughter stopped completely, replaced with a very serious and slightly shocked expression. He lowered his voice as the conversation continued.

"Commander? This is a surprise."

There was a pause. Kurz's face twisted into an expression of confusion and concern.

"Yes. Yeah, she's here." There was another slight pause. "Of course."

Kurz eyed Kaname as he handed the phone to her. Curiously she took it.

"Hello?" she said carefully.

"Hello, Miss Chidori," said a calm, warm male voice on the other end. "This is Andrei Kalinin. You probably don't remember me, but I am in close contact with Captain Testarossa."

"Yes. I remember. What is this about?"

"Approximately thirty minutes ago Intelligence HQ was bombed by an unknown source. Casualties and survivors are unconfirmed at this time. The Captain thought that you would like to know since Sergeant Sagara is personally close to you. Once I receive more information, I will let you know the Sergeant's condition."

Kaname's mouth went dry, "I see."

"I'm very sorry, Miss Chidori."

"No. Please, don't apologize. Thank you for letting me know…" Her voice failed her.

"Take care for now, Miss Chidori. I will have more news for you soon."

"Thank you."

"Until later then. Goodbye, Miss Chidori."

"Bye."

The phone seemed to slip from her hands as it slid onto the table.

"Well?" Kurz asked anxiously. "What did he say?"

"It's about Sousuke. The Intelligence Head Quarters was bombed so they don't know if he's alive or not."

Her eyebrows knitted together as a lump rose in her throat. Kurz stared at her, unable to find any words to comfort her. All anyone could do now was wait.

--

_**Okay. So I finally have a new chapter for you guys. School is keeping me busy so I write little by little at the moment. I apologize to everyone waiting for an update to the Black Cat fan fiction. I promise, I am working on a new chapter for that as well. But as always, let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Happy Valentines Day!**_


	8. Alive

**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 8 - Alive**

"Madam Captain," said a slightly pale Mardukes.

"Yes, Mr. Mardukes?" said Tessa, looking up from a stack of papers.

"Another three buildings have been bombed, ma'am."

Her eyes flashed towards her subordinate. "Commander, launch all waiting aircraft! Then set a course for Intelligence HQ!"

"Yes, ma'am!" He nodded swiftly and walked over to a panel, pushing an overcom button. "All waiting aircraft, launch in five minutes! Repeat, aircraft launch in five minutes!" Releasing the button he turned to the bridge personnel. "Set a course for Tasmania's southern end!"

"Understood sir! Setting course for Tasmania."

--

Hundreds of miles away, Kaname was lying alone in the dark. From the small sofa, she could see the lines in the ceiling panels. She didn't feel like doing anything, she was too nervous to think properly, and she felt sick all over.

"Kaname," said a smooth voice, "you need to get some sleep. We may not know anything until tomorrow."

"And if he's dead?"

"He's alive. Trust me. I know Sousuke even better than you do. He's like a cockroach in some ways. Every time someone thinks that they've gotten rid of him, he appears out of thin air and proves them wrong. And knowing that you are waiting for him when he comes back… well, there's no way he would die."

There was an awkward silence. His attempts to cheer her up had been in vain. Without a word, Kaname slowly rose into a sitting position. Kurz watched her quietly as she stared at the floor for a moment. Then without warning, she got to her feet and flung her arms around him, burying her face in his shirt. Kurz looked down at her for a moment, not entirely sure what he should do, but when she didn't let go, he wrapped his arms around her and stood there in the darkness without saying a word. Looking up, he had to admit that on some level, comforting her felt odd. Kaname wasn't his girl and he knew that all too well. He felt strangely uncomfortable when he felt her touch. It was a feeling he was not accustomed to.

"Kaname…" he ventured quietly.

There was no answer. After several more minutes of silence, he shifted his weight. As he did so, Kaname began to fall.

"Kaname?" His voice now contained a slight note of panic as he lunged forward to catch her. Gently bringing her to the ground with his arms still holding her, he kneeled in front of her. Gently he turned her over to see that her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly. He took a deep breath, feeling some of the stress leave him. She had been so exhausted that she just ended up falling asleep in his arms. He smiled crookedly as he put one arm under her neck and another under her knees. Carefully he lifted Kaname from the ground and settled her on a bed in the next room. As he pulled his arms out from underneath her, he felt two hands pull on one of his arms. Startled, he looked up at Kaname's face. Seeing her eyes closed and an undefined expression on her face, Kurz carefully pried her hands away from his arm and settled them next to her. Smiling just slightly, he kissed her on the forehead, stood up and walked away.

--

It was almost eight hours before the Tuatha De Dannan arrived at Tasmania. Rescue and recovery teams were sent in right away. The aircrews that had been sent ahead had gotten the fires still raging on the hanger under control. Personnel had to use M9s just to get the doors of the main buildings open. As the teams of tactical soldiers made their way through the debris-blocked corridors, they seemed to tag more dead than wounded. The process was slow and dangerous. One wrong step and a piece of ceiling could yet fall on someone's head. There was no sign of Corporal Shaw or Sousuke for over two hours. Then finally, one of the helicopter pilots recognized the officer that belonged to his unit. Checking her pulse, and relieved to feel a heartbeat, he took the radio off his belt and spoke into it.

"We've found Corporal Shaw, Captain," said the young man.

"Thank goodness!" came Tessa's voice over the other end. "Any word on Sagara?"

There was a pause, "No, ma'am."

Kalinin gently took the radio from Tessa and spoke into it, "Bring the Corporal back here immediately for medical attention. Everyone else is keep searching for survivors."

"Yes, sir," said the young officer. The radio turned off and there was silence.

"I'm sure that Sergeant Sagara is fine, Captain. He's survived thus far, has he not?"

Tessa nodded nervously. Suddenly the radio came alive again.

"The Sergeant is alive, sir! We've just found him!"

Tessa closed her eyes and sighed in relief.

"Whom am I speaking to? What is Sagara's condition?"

"Sergeant Gildor, sir. He appears to be okay, sir. He's lost some blood, but I believe the worst he has is probably a few scrapes."

"Bring Sagara back to the De Dannan, Sergeant. All others are to continue looking for survivors," said Kalinin.

"Understood, sir. Gildor out."

It was almost half an hour before Corporal Shaw was returned. Immediately, medical teams swarmed around her. In comparison to many of the previous casualties, Shaw had sustained relatively minor damage. The total extent of her injuries appeared to be a minor concussion and a few broken ribs. Overall, she would heal in a few weeks.

Minutes seemed like hours as they waited for Sousuke to be brought out. Just over twenty minutes after the arrival of Shaw, a six-foot beanstalk of a man, with dusty glasses and black hair that had been powdered white from rummaging through debris, appeared. Awkwardly balancing Sousuke's arm over one shoulder, he picked his path through the mountain of rubble, keeping a close eye on Sousuke as he walked. Reaching solid ground, Gildor carefully let go of Sousuke to let him stand on his own. Exhausted but none-the-less perfectly all right, Sousuke looked at the crowd before him. Tessa was the first one to break away from the group of watchers and launch herself into his arms. He nearly collapsed when she threw his arms around him. Looking at the woman who had take hold of him, Sousuke looked down at her with a blank expression. Sousuke was more confused than he could ever remember being before.

"Sagara!" Tessa exclaimed tearfully, squeezing him all the tighter.

Sousuke frowned, clumsily draping his arms around Tessa. Looking around for any sort of explanation, Sousuke caught Kalinin's eye. One of Sousuke's hands veered away from Tessa's back, thumb first, and his eyebrows plummeted into a deep frown before immediately rising back up towards his forehead. Kalinin had to suppress a laugh when the expression was completed with Sousuke's gaping mouth.

"What's that look for?" asked a very grumpy Mardukes.

"He's trying to ask me about why the Captain has attached herself to him," said Kalinin amused. "It would seem that the Sergeant is very confused after all. Excuse me, I have a call to make."

Mardukes glanced over at Kalinin as the well spoken man walked away. Excusing himself, Kalinin walked back to the De Dannan. Carefully making his way to an open hatch, he made his way back inside. Only when the rest of the crew was out of view did he take out his cell phone and dial in several numbers. Putting it to his ear he waited patiently for someone to pick up.

"Ah, Sergeant Webber, this is Kalinin." He paused. "Yes, yes, we've found him. He's disoriented and a little bruised, but otherwise unharmed." There was another pause. "I see. That's too bad. I'm sure she would've liked to know as soon as we found him." Again, Kalinin paused. "Likewise. And begin packing. We'll be sending a helicopter your way as soon as we've finished up here. I'd estimate about sixteen hours." Kalinin paused and then smiled. "Yes. You too, Sergeant. Be sure to get some sleep. Goodbye." Kalinin waited a moment before hanging up the phone and putting it back in his pocket. Considering that it was approximately 10pm. In Tasmania, sixteen hours and the time zone difference would put Kaname's and Kurz's helicopter there at approximate 1pm.

Kalinin absently looked at the floor. He knew all too well that being separated from Kaname again had done Sousuke no good. Though he was Sousuke's commanding officer, he viewed the boy more like a son than a subordinate. He had no love of seeing Sousuke's pain worn so plainly on the outside as it was now. Kalinin would only be content once Kaname was back in Sousuke's arms again and a smile touched the younger man's lips. For now, work had to be done, but soon, maybe Sousuke's suffering might finally stop. It was something that Kalinin could only hope for.

--

_**Hello everyone! Sorry to everyone who's been waiting for this chapter! I know it's short and very late, but I think I rewrote this chapter about three times, so in an effort to not make you guys wait any longer (and not find another reason to rewrite it yet another time), I uploaded what I had at a good stopping point. I hope everyone likes it. Tell me what you think of course. More luck in the future hopefully! Until next chapter! :)**_


	9. What Matters

**Full Metal Panic – Sergeant Down**

**Chapter 9 – What Matters**

Sousuke sat on his gray bunk flipping through an old magazine of _AS Fan_. He was finding it unusually hard to sleep, even though the only light in the room was a reading lamp. His nerves were getting the better of him, but it wasn't something that he had remembered ever experiencing before. He wasn't anxious because of a looming battle, or because his dreams were keeping him awake. No, it was something else, almost an excitement that he couldn't explain, or a heartache that refused to leave him alone. Biting his lip, he stared at a picture in the magazine without actually seeing it. Then there was a strong knock on his door. Looking over at the steel oval, he tiredly collected his voice and said very clearly, "Come in."

After a few seconds, the door swung open revealing someone he had not seen in a while.

"Sergeant Sagara, I heard you've been going through quite an interesting set of ordeals while I've been gone," said a stern Belfangan Clouseau.

"That depends on what you've heard, sir," said Sousuke putting down the magazine and looking at his superior officer. No matter how hard Sousuke tried to level with Clouseau, he just couldn't make himself like the man. Perhaps it had to do with the way that they were introduced, but he just couldn't make himself have very many positive feelings towards the man. He supposed that it came with the territory in the military when someone got replaced and some new guy tried to waltz in and fit into a dead man's shoes, but Sousuke never totally got used to it.

"Well you came back in a coma after a mission, didn't wake up for a long time, then you started having episodes… Dragged the entire de Dannan to base just to get you treated. You got a _girlfriend_, and then got transferred away from her by those intelligence guys. And while you're still recovering, a full air assault was launched on intelligence just at the same time you happen to be there…"

Sousuke looked at Clouseau suspiciously, "What are you trying to suggest?"

Clouseau shrugged, "Nothing really. Just that you're extremely unlucky at the moment. Mostly I came to see how you were holding up, though."

"I can't complain, sir. I'm alive after all."

"There were a lot of soldiers killed in that bombing, Sagara. You sure you're okay with that?"

"It felt different from battle to be honest. Nothing could be done by anyone there to stop it. Naturally, no one at the base was responsible for anyone else who got killed. It's not like that when I'm battling in Arbalest."

"So in other words, you don't really care if everyone dies, just as long as you know that you're not responsible?"

Sousuke frowned, "No. It just don't lose sleep over it unless I have a say in the outcome. If anyone is responsible for this, it's the Intelligence branch for not seeing this coming."

"So you think they deserved what they got?"

"No. I just think it's a possibility that had something played out differently, this could have been prevented."

Clouseau nodded, "Okay. That's all I wanted to know. Get some sleep, Sagara. The sub won't move any faster, even if you stay awake all night."

"Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind."

Clouseau turned and walked out the door, closing the door behind him.

After another two hours, Sousuke lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He frowned. How had this happened again? Since when had the deal he made with HQ changed? Was it about time to refresh their memories by refusing to take any missions that lasted more than a few days at a time? And Kaname… It was about time he fought for what he wanted and made sure that no one took her away from him.

There was another knock on his door. Sousuke looked over at the steel oval, "Come in."

There was a pause and then the door opened revealing Melissa Mao, "I thought so. You can't sleep either, huh?"

"No, ma'am," said Sousuke looking over at her and rising to a sitting position.

"Are you worried about her?"

Sousuke frowned, "No… I just can't help feeling that I've been here before. It feels like I've already fought this battle and yet, I'm doing the same thing again."

"You mean when you told HQ that you would keep working for half the pay if you could be with Kaname?"

Sousuke flinched.

Mao sat down across from him in a chair, "So, why didn't you refuse when they assigned you at Intelligence."

Sousuke frowned deeper, "I don't know. It was like, for a time… I completely forgot about the bargain I made. It doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe you had temporary amnesia or something. I mean, it is possible. You were in a coma for so long… and we were all afraid that you were going to die on us, Sousuke. Speaking of which… Kaname… when Tessa notified her of your condition back then, Kaname completely fell apart while she was on the phone. You gave all of us a good scare."

"Sorry. It was never my intention."

"Of course it wasn't. You made a decision for the better of the team, and you nearly paid for it with your life. Honestly, when you went A-Wall a while back I couldn't totally blame you. With all the shit we've all been having to put up with lately… and Arbalest being dumped on you."

"Arbalest isn't the problem anymore…" Sousuke mumbled.

"I know, and that's the reason you're alive today, right? But anyway, what do you plan to do once you see Kaname again?"

"I have some ideas, but it's been my experience that my plans often become obsolete depending on her mood."

"Sounds like you have your hands full."

"I suppose so. But I think I am starting to understand a little bit of what Kaname was talking about before… about me not blending in."

Mao stared at Sousuke, frowning, "Does it bother you?"

"I can't protect her if I don't learn to blend in better." Sousuke paused. "No. That's not it either. I can't be someone that she loves if I can't learn to do it."

Mao raised her eyebrows, "Sousuke. I don't mean to put a damper in your determination, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe the part that she loves about you is the part that does all those crazy, irrational things?"

Sousuke looked up at Mao questioningly, "But that can't be true. She's always scolding me whenever I do something that doesn't suit the situation. I'm beginning to think that the only time I'm not a burden to her is when she's around enough of the De Dannan's crew that I know she will be safe."

Mao smiled sadly, "Sousuke. It's been two years since Gauron was killed. We just got word that the people who were targeting her recently were neutralized a few hours ago. In fact, that's what I came down here to tell you. I know you're worried, and I know you take your job seriously, but maybe it's time you thought about being a man first and a soldier second. You can't keep this up forever."

Sousuke's face suddenly creased into a painful expression that Mao had never seen before, "Mao, I… I'm not sure I can. I mean, I don't even think I really know how to be anything else than what I've been. And I've been a soldier for so long. It always feels like I'm running from something. I-I think I'm scared. I'm afraid that if I let my guard down I'm going to end up getting killed, or worse yet, she might get hurt. If I ever lose her, there would be nothing left for me."

Mao stared at Sousuke, open-mouthed. Then with a deep breath, she forced a smile, "Sousuke, I'm not telling you to let your guard down all the time. I'm just saying... when you're lip 'n lip with someone, that's the time when your armor needs to come off, and you're allowed to show her a little of the person underneath all that gear. I know the real you, and I also know that you're not the war-hungry maniac that she claims you to be. Deep down she knows that too, but you so rarely show that side to anyone but me and Kurz. Give her a chance to see the side that me and Kurz see. Give her a chance to see deeper than what we see. That's what having a lover is about. You get to share things with her that you would never share with anyone else. So give it a chance."

Sousuke stared at the wall in the darkness, "I think I understand. Thank you for your words, Mao."

Mao winked, "Just don't let them go to waste."

"I won't."

"Well, I think I'm going to turn in for the few hours I have left. I'll see you in the morning, Sousuke."

"Yes. Goodnight."

When Sousuke woke, it was to the high pitched beeping of his watch. A heavy fog had settled over his brain, and his head was throbbing severely. Slowly getting to his feet, he stood near his bed for a moment unmoving. Kaname's plane would be landing on the De Dannan within the hour, but everything around him was so intense that it made him not want to move. Slowly opening his eyes again, the world swam around him. His mind protested, urging him to go to the infirmary. Gripping his bed firmly, he attempted to push the fuzz out of his mind. Slowly and clumsily, Sousuke made his way out of his room and down the corridor to the infirmary.

"Sergeant Sagara?" came a sweet soprano voice.

Sousuke looked up at the woman as he stood in the doorway, propped up against the wall. Without a word, she helped him to a bed and made him sit down.

"You look awful, Sergeant. Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?"

"Everything is spinning. And now that you mention it, it feels really stuffy in here."

The nurse disappeared, only to reappear a few seconds later with a cup of water and pills in hand, "Take this."

Sousuke did as he was told and waited. Slowly, but steadily the dizziness subsided and his vision seemed to clear. The nurse left him in the room alone for almost thirty minutes before she returned to check up on him.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better. Thank yo—"

Suddenly the infirmary doors burst open and he looked over to see Kaname, who looked close to tears.

"You idiot!" Kaname screamed as she entered the room and saw Sousuke. Walking towards him, she continued on her verbal rampage, "How could you? I was so worried, Sousuke, and you didn't even call me to tell me that you were okay?"

Sousuke stared at her half expecting her to beat the living daylights out of him as soon as she was within arms reach. Bracing himself for impact, he closed his eyes and hoped that her strike would be fast. Within seconds though, he felt arms embrace him. Stunned, it took him a moment to react. But after a few seconds, he put an arm around her back and still a little stunned. Suddenly pulling away, Kaname lifted an eyebrow.

"What's that look for?" Kaname spouted, annoyed.

"You're not going to hit me?"

Kaname sighed, "No. Just don't ever make me worry about you like that again, got it?"

Sousuke stared back at her in silence.

"Well?" she retorted.

"Yes! I'm sorry! I got it!"

Kaname looked off to the side.

"You big idiot," she mumbled.

'_Give her a chance to see deeper than what we see.'_

Sousuke slid off the infirmary bed, getting to his feet. Kaname looked up at him just as his arms folded around her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered so that only she could hear. "I won't leave you… not ever again."

Kaname's hands grabbed his collar as she pressed her face into his shirt, "You better not."

Sousuke stood with her in silence. His troubled soldier mentality, his protection, and his love were all he had to offer Kaname, but somehow, it was enough. Sousuke never felt alive accept when he was with her. Tightening his arms around her just a little, he lowered his head to rest on her shoulder. If Kaname would let him, he would've liked to make the feeling last for an eternity.

"It's nice to see you two getting along."

Sousuke looked up to see Kurz standing in the doorway. His expression was happy, yet sad at the same time.

"Kurz."

"Don't worry. I didn't do a thing to her, so you can relax," said Kurz quietly.

Sousuke looked down at the turquoise head that was resting against his chest. With a smile, he brought a hand up to stroke her beautiful hair. Looking back up at Kurz, his expression turned seriously, "Thank you… for keeping her safe."

"Any time. Take good care of her. If you make her cry again, I'll come back and kick your ass," said Kurz.

Sousuke just watched Kurz without a word.

Putting two fingers to his forehead almost in a solute, and then playfully pointing them towards Sousuke, Kurz turned and left.

Kaname's hands suddenly tightened on Sousuke's collar. Sousuke smiled, putting both arms back around her. She looked up in response. Without hesitation, he leaned in and kissed her cheek, but before he could pull away, her lips met his own. His fingers moved on their own and tangled themselves in her hair. It wasn't that Sousuke hadn't known how to be a lover. He had learned all sorts of skills as a soldier, including how to appear to be a girl's boyfriend, if you can believe it, but he never needed to apply those skills to his personal life until now. Until now, he hadn't really ever understood the reasons behind those actions. After all, Kaname was the one and only person that he trusted and would give everything for without a second thought.

--

_**Well, that about sums it up. I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I did. I had to refresh my take on the characters a little before I wrote this chapter, but I think it turned out just fine. As always, let me know what you thought. Feedback is great. Until I see all of you again. Cheers!**_


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